Friday, June 30, 2006
What gives Wally?
Water slide. Tide. Cool Breeze.
Freeze your intuition and listen.
Observe.
Porous border. Dotted line. On maps painted and photographed from high in sky. Satellite motion detector deflector. We'll man the dotted line. We'll spend more money on protecting fear. Scared into submission. Mission. Just one more drink. One more toke off of the terror brew. Stew.
Don't choke. It's thick with good people. Working hard. Who are being served by decent people working harder and longer. Who deserve a piece of the apple pie. White picket fence Beaver Clever dreams. But maybe in their own country?
Maybe take the Fox by the tail and lead him to more jobs in his own country. Then lead the fox to water and force him to drink. Make him understand that this cow's been milked. And milk ain't free. And some of our cows are starving.
Freeze your intuition and listen.
Observe.
Porous border. Dotted line. On maps painted and photographed from high in sky. Satellite motion detector deflector. We'll man the dotted line. We'll spend more money on protecting fear. Scared into submission. Mission. Just one more drink. One more toke off of the terror brew. Stew.
Don't choke. It's thick with good people. Working hard. Who are being served by decent people working harder and longer. Who deserve a piece of the apple pie. White picket fence Beaver Clever dreams. But maybe in their own country?
Maybe take the Fox by the tail and lead him to more jobs in his own country. Then lead the fox to water and force him to drink. Make him understand that this cow's been milked. And milk ain't free. And some of our cows are starving.
Thursday, June 29, 2006
Note to world.
I will not be looking for venues to show my work.
I will be focusing on making the work.
I will not be putting my self out there anymore.
Reason for proclamation:
It has been my experience that when
you really want something it never happens.
That when you let it go, it finds you.
I am going to let it go.
I am not going to focus on what I do not have.
I am going to focus on what I do have.
I am going to be as positive as I can with the time I have left.
End of note to world.
I will be focusing on making the work.
I will not be putting my self out there anymore.
Reason for proclamation:
It has been my experience that when
you really want something it never happens.
That when you let it go, it finds you.
I am going to let it go.
I am not going to focus on what I do not have.
I am going to focus on what I do have.
I am going to be as positive as I can with the time I have left.
End of note to world.
Wednesday, June 28, 2006
The dance.
I've been putting myself out there. Hey you. How are you?
Look at me. Watch me dance. Do a little jig. And I
was getting down. Down that no one cared. No one heard
me. No one had the common courtesy to respond. To
give me honesty. To let me know that they were out there.
Then this morning I get an email from Brazil. An email
from Germany. And an email from San Fransisco. All from
artists finding their way. Doing their little dance.
Nice enough to write back.
Nice enough to let me know they were out there.
I beat myself up over this.
Running Hello World Program.
Running Look at Me Program.
Look at me. Watch me dance. Do a little jig. And I
was getting down. Down that no one cared. No one heard
me. No one had the common courtesy to respond. To
give me honesty. To let me know that they were out there.
Then this morning I get an email from Brazil. An email
from Germany. And an email from San Fransisco. All from
artists finding their way. Doing their little dance.
Nice enough to write back.
Nice enough to let me know they were out there.
I beat myself up over this.
Running Hello World Program.
Running Look at Me Program.
Friday, June 23, 2006
Thursday, June 22, 2006
Clicking Hand.
Refugees. You see. They have no place to go. No place to flow. Lie low. Don't pop up your heads. Don't look for bread. Bodies are lying in your streets. Their meat is cooking in the heat, you see.
Look out for your own. Hold tight to them. Fight for them. To each their own, when the war comes. When the war came. When the waters rained and ran. Then the winds slammed their structures to the land.
And look at me. In my cubicle land, with my clicking hand. Trying to be a loving man. Raising my family the best I can. And I hear of this war torn land. Damn. And I have to tune it out. Try to focus on my fam.
I want to help. I want to get up. Stand. And motivate. And march. Grab my rifle. Find the enemy at hand. Fight the injustice, war, hunger of our land.
I want to pull militia rights and fight but don't know what direction to smite.
So I sit here again. In my cubicle land. Clicking with my clicking hand. Wanting peace on this land. Wanting to take a stand. But no knowing where or what direction to man. As I focus and click, and click again.
Look out for your own. Hold tight to them. Fight for them. To each their own, when the war comes. When the war came. When the waters rained and ran. Then the winds slammed their structures to the land.
And look at me. In my cubicle land, with my clicking hand. Trying to be a loving man. Raising my family the best I can. And I hear of this war torn land. Damn. And I have to tune it out. Try to focus on my fam.
I want to help. I want to get up. Stand. And motivate. And march. Grab my rifle. Find the enemy at hand. Fight the injustice, war, hunger of our land.
I want to pull militia rights and fight but don't know what direction to smite.
So I sit here again. In my cubicle land. Clicking with my clicking hand. Wanting peace on this land. Wanting to take a stand. But no knowing where or what direction to man. As I focus and click, and click again.
Sunday, June 18, 2006
What's in a title?
My father was a real man. Not like me. When he walked into the room, if you were a real man you would size him up. Don't worry he would be sizing you up too. He fought in the Korean War at the age of seventeen. When I was seventeen I was listening to Pearl Jam, The Cure and trying to find my identity.
He didn't talk about what he had seen either, other than a small amount of information I was able to get out of him over time. He told me he was in the 1st Marine Division. Interested, I bought a book on the war and researched it while enlisted in the Army. After reading a bit about it, I understood why after seeing what he did, talking about it would not be a good thing. He had to have seen death. Thousands of deaths.
To make it back in one piece was a victory of its own. And what he had seen would be far better off never spoken about. One of the bloodiest battles he served in was the battle of the Chosin Reservoir. It was so cold during this push toward the Chinese border that winter that frost bite was rampant. Temperatures were reported of thirty below. Also, if you were at this battle and survived you got the nickname the frozen chosen.
This was one of the battles he faced and lived to not talk about. It was a miracle that he made it back in one piece at all. It was a miracle that he could return to have our family. To have me. To live another fifty years. To coach basketball to hundreds of children as a Recreational Director of youth ministries. And to truly make a difference in hundreds of their lives. Coach Mickey will be remembered. Shit. They even named a park after him.
So on this father's day, I think of my father. Not of myself as a father. My journey has just begun. This is my first father's day. I haven't really earned the title yet. Hopefully one day I will.
He didn't talk about what he had seen either, other than a small amount of information I was able to get out of him over time. He told me he was in the 1st Marine Division. Interested, I bought a book on the war and researched it while enlisted in the Army. After reading a bit about it, I understood why after seeing what he did, talking about it would not be a good thing. He had to have seen death. Thousands of deaths.
To make it back in one piece was a victory of its own. And what he had seen would be far better off never spoken about. One of the bloodiest battles he served in was the battle of the Chosin Reservoir. It was so cold during this push toward the Chinese border that winter that frost bite was rampant. Temperatures were reported of thirty below. Also, if you were at this battle and survived you got the nickname the frozen chosen.
This was one of the battles he faced and lived to not talk about. It was a miracle that he made it back in one piece at all. It was a miracle that he could return to have our family. To have me. To live another fifty years. To coach basketball to hundreds of children as a Recreational Director of youth ministries. And to truly make a difference in hundreds of their lives. Coach Mickey will be remembered. Shit. They even named a park after him.
So on this father's day, I think of my father. Not of myself as a father. My journey has just begun. This is my first father's day. I haven't really earned the title yet. Hopefully one day I will.
Factoid #1
Countries that observe Father's Day on the third Sunday of June include Argentina, Canada, Chile, China, Colombia, Cuba, France, Hong Kong S.A.R., India, Pakistan, Ireland, Japan, Macao S.A.R., Malaysia, Malta, Mexico, the Netherlands, Panama, Peru, the Philippines, Singapore, Slovakia, South Africa, Turkey, the United Kingdom, the United States, Venezuela, and Zimbabwe.
Saturday, June 17, 2006
Giant Panda robots: extinction solved
I found this on Engadget.com:Ahh Giant Pandas... cute and cuddly until they rip out your jugular with a swipe from those massive thumbed paws. What better avatar to lull us into complacency while cleansing the fields of our human scourge? Ok, ok, only the head can actually be considered robotic with 14 servo motors used to create realistic panda expressions like confusion: "has anyone seen my bamboo?" or anger: "I am not a teddy bear!" The rest is just some guy in a fancy monkey suit drunk on Billy Beer. Now isn't it about time we forget about all this endangered species crap since man clearly possesses the power to preserve these giant
P.S. All text above was stolen from the link above. Cheers.
Thursday, June 15, 2006
Brain Function.
Clogged sink. Broken link. Windows not opening. Mental function not holding. You are withdrawing from your medication again. Wanting to get back on the right path again. Not wanting a crutch. Amen.
The pathway of righteousness is paved with pot holes. Wrong choices. Scratched voices. Broken records play tunes you've heard before. They echo through hallways of past freedoms known if only for a moment. Known only by you. Hold on to it.
Chemicals return to normal brain function through grinding bone sponge soak life out of void. Vacuum moistness out of shallow molded mental function. Junction. Map galaxies back to home plate. Home base. Your sitting in the dug out. Waiting for your turn at bat again. They are chanting, "Hey batter, batter, swing batter. Hey fatter, fatter. Get fatter. "
Statistic grown hormone. Eat condensed polysaturated earth. Condition specimen to take in salt. Retain water. Come back. Come back. You are going through withdrawal. Wanting to get back on the right path again. Not wanting a crutch. Amen.
The pathway of righteousness is paved with pot holes. Wrong choices. Scratched voices. Broken records play tunes you've heard before. They echo through hallways of past freedoms known if only for a moment. Known only by you. Hold on to it.
Chemicals return to normal brain function through grinding bone sponge soak life out of void. Vacuum moistness out of shallow molded mental function. Junction. Map galaxies back to home plate. Home base. Your sitting in the dug out. Waiting for your turn at bat again. They are chanting, "Hey batter, batter, swing batter. Hey fatter, fatter. Get fatter. "
Statistic grown hormone. Eat condensed polysaturated earth. Condition specimen to take in salt. Retain water. Come back. Come back. You are going through withdrawal. Wanting to get back on the right path again. Not wanting a crutch. Amen.
Oxford Skate Park
My friend, Tate Nations, came to Oxford last weekend and, despite a heat index of 100+ degrees, we got out on the 'crete for a little skating. He has a fisheye lens that lets him take these great wide angle shots. Thought y'all might like to see where I spend my down time when I'm not litigating . . .
The Street Course
The Bowl and The Cradle Wednesday, June 14, 2006
Honey.
Dream mountains. Massive. Strength. Focus on glory. Focus on how to live this life, now. I want to illustrate a how to guide. How to live. I want to leave icons, monoliths, and magic for the little one to live by. Sprinkle bread crumbs so she can find her way home. Out of the darkness. Into our arms. Wherever we are. Wherever we go.
I want her to know that there is such a thing as integrity. Honesty. Love. Carve stone castles to protect her from the injustice of life. Hide her in her own ivory tower of self knowledge.
A strange metamorphosis is happening in this life state. I find definition of self through what I want her eyes to see. I want all the murder and mayhem of this society to be outside. On distant moons. Far far away. I want her to be protected. Cocooned.
Kevlar sheets of bullet proof self love. Dove wings flying. Gliding over the ravaged fields of our wars, our hunger and our homeless inequities. Straight to her mountain top. Where she will find us waiting.
I want her to know that there is such a thing as integrity. Honesty. Love. Carve stone castles to protect her from the injustice of life. Hide her in her own ivory tower of self knowledge.
A strange metamorphosis is happening in this life state. I find definition of self through what I want her eyes to see. I want all the murder and mayhem of this society to be outside. On distant moons. Far far away. I want her to be protected. Cocooned.
Kevlar sheets of bullet proof self love. Dove wings flying. Gliding over the ravaged fields of our wars, our hunger and our homeless inequities. Straight to her mountain top. Where she will find us waiting.
Tuesday, June 13, 2006
I AM ME.
I. I am me. I am the air and the sea. I am the bird and the tree. I am what I see. I am you b e i n g me. I am my mother and father. I am my sister and brother. I am separate from you, but we are one another. I am the food that I eat. I am the people I meet. I am the shoes on my f e e t. I am dependent but complete. I am alive in the moment. I am full of atonement. I am strength capable. I am hunger insatiable.
I am a product of m y e n v i r o n m e n t. I am a l i v e o n l y as
a m o n u m e n t. I am P a p a S m u r f.
I am a s t r o - t u r f. I am Dom inoes P i z z a.
I am B i l l Gate’s V i s a. I am T u b b y G u m m i.
I am Monopoly m o n e y. I am G a t o r a d e.
I am n a t u r a l h o n e y. I am K o o l – A i d.
I am Sein feld ’s f u n n y. I am S a n f o r d ’s s o n.
I am M i l l e r ’ s “One.” I am light from t h e s u n.
I am smoke f r o m a g u n.I am c o n c r e t e l a i d.
I am hopeful. I am afraid. I am proud. I am b r a v e.
I am l o s t. I am a w a ve .I am driven. I am forgiven.
I am what’s given. I am dead risen. I am descendant of k i n. I am nitroglycerin. I am youth energy. I am communal synergy. I am a reflection of y o u. I am rabbit stew. I am your intent. I am the unpaid rent. I am the letters you’ve sent. I am the metal I’ve bent. I am crazy. I am lazy. I am a horizon that is hazy. I am tire-chain traction. I am Bush’s reaction. I am atop a fraction. I am the split o f a faction. I am a fatal attraction. I am a muscle’s contraction.
I am a c at a l y s t for ACTION!
Written by Akbar Lightning. You made me realize sanity is relative. Thank you. I hope you are alive and thriving wherever you are.
I am a product of m y e n v i r o n m e n t. I am a l i v e o n l y as
a m o n u m e n t. I am P a p a S m u r f.
I am a s t r o - t u r f. I am Dom inoes P i z z a.
I am B i l l Gate’s V i s a. I am T u b b y G u m m i.
I am Monopoly m o n e y. I am G a t o r a d e.
I am n a t u r a l h o n e y. I am K o o l – A i d.
I am Sein feld ’s f u n n y. I am S a n f o r d ’s s o n.
I am M i l l e r ’ s “One.” I am light from t h e s u n.
I am smoke f r o m a g u n.I am c o n c r e t e l a i d.
I am hopeful. I am afraid. I am proud. I am b r a v e.
I am l o s t. I am a w a ve .I am driven. I am forgiven.
I am what’s given. I am dead risen. I am descendant of k i n. I am nitroglycerin. I am youth energy. I am communal synergy. I am a reflection of y o u. I am rabbit stew. I am your intent. I am the unpaid rent. I am the letters you’ve sent. I am the metal I’ve bent. I am crazy. I am lazy. I am a horizon that is hazy. I am tire-chain traction. I am Bush’s reaction. I am atop a fraction. I am the split o f a faction. I am a fatal attraction. I am a muscle’s contraction.
I am a c at a l y s t for ACTION!
Written by Akbar Lightning. You made me realize sanity is relative. Thank you. I hope you are alive and thriving wherever you are.
LoveSunday, June 11, 2006
Saturday, June 10, 2006
Friday, June 09, 2006
Letter to past Employer
This letter was sent to my last employer. I sent it feeling a sense of obligation to
the employees left behind. The names have been changed to protect their identities. It was an effort to open the owners eye's to a quickly sinking ship that is his company, www.sjp.com.
Dear Brad,
I have now been out of SJ&P for two months now. I currently have
a new job with the Navy that is going to be good for me. I'm going
to be getting some new training, working with new technologies that
will help me in the future.
I have been wanting to write you since my resignation but thought it best to wait a while to depressurize so I could have an unclouded opinion to pass on to you.
I do feel like it is my responsibility to write you. You were always good to me. You treated me with respect and courtesy during the few conversations we had in passing.
Now to be honest and frank, Dan libich (The Creative Director) is killing your creative department. Everyone there has to wait for days for his approval on anything. He never keeps his scheduled meetings with others. He can not be counted on to give a quick and decisive opinion so that the product can get out the door.
And to be honest, the current Cloudyline brand is not a brand at all. There is no concept. The work that he is doing is subpar. A lifestyle shot and some big blocky white copy is not a a brand. It is identical to a Visa campaign done recently. He has managed to take all of the concepts that his creative team sweated over for months and reduce it to that. Something is wrong with the whole creative process.
Also, often I would wait outside his office for up to or over an hour for him while he talked on the phone. He was blowing me off knowing that I was sitting outside waiting on a scheduled meeting. And he does this to everyone down there. Everyone, I mean everyone in the creative department can not depend on him. And believe me a lot of folks are looking to leave the agency because of him. If they were all willing to relocate there would be only a handful of people left in that department.
In my exit interview he said that if this company doesn't step up to the plate with new technologies, and fresh ideas that it would be out of business in a year. I want you to know that if he can't be depended on to keep a meeting and make a decision about a simple yes or no question he most definitely will not be able to help with any new technologies or fresh ideas.
Also, Ted Smith is not a technical person and should not be in charge of the interactive department. Ted is a great guy and is punctual and dependable, but his decision making is not going to help lead the interactive department. It will only allow it to stagnate. You guys will need to hire a programmer if you plan on going anywhere with that technology. To outsource and pay up to 100 dollars an hour for programming can not be productive.
You will need to improve your web presence. Instantly. SJ&P needs a new web site, yesterday. I know for a fact as a job seeker myslef I judge companies on their web site. If I was looking to relocate to a smaller city to work for a smaller agency, and I went to www.sjp.com, I would not consider it for a second.
The site needs to be designed by a web designer. It should be given over to one or two people. There are way to many cooks in the kitchen. That's why decisions can't be made on it. Also the web design should be done by web designers. Print design is a different world from web design. Dan does not understand this.
If you want the interactive department to prosper and to bring in new business you will need to get rid of Ted at his current position and put him in an admin. position. Then get in a young interactive designer / programmer fresh out of school, and pay him half as much as Ted. He or she will bring in cutting edge ideas and the technical background to back them up.
You can take this advice or leave it. I felt like I owed it to you, since you seemed like a really nice person and always treated me with respect. Dan does not do the same. He needs to follow your lead on that.
I really hope you guys turn things around, because if not, like Dan said in a year you won't be around, or at least will lose one of your bigger clients. I hope not for the sake of the good folks who depend on that paycheck for their mortgages and families.
Thanks for the kindness and courtesy in which you treat everyone. Please keep it up.
Sincerely,
Byron King
www.byronkingdesign.com
the employees left behind. The names have been changed to protect their identities. It was an effort to open the owners eye's to a quickly sinking ship that is his company, www.sjp.com.
Dear Brad,
I have now been out of SJ&P for two months now. I currently have
a new job with the Navy that is going to be good for me. I'm going
to be getting some new training, working with new technologies that
will help me in the future.
I have been wanting to write you since my resignation but thought it best to wait a while to depressurize so I could have an unclouded opinion to pass on to you.
I do feel like it is my responsibility to write you. You were always good to me. You treated me with respect and courtesy during the few conversations we had in passing.
Now to be honest and frank, Dan libich (The Creative Director) is killing your creative department. Everyone there has to wait for days for his approval on anything. He never keeps his scheduled meetings with others. He can not be counted on to give a quick and decisive opinion so that the product can get out the door.
And to be honest, the current Cloudyline brand is not a brand at all. There is no concept. The work that he is doing is subpar. A lifestyle shot and some big blocky white copy is not a a brand. It is identical to a Visa campaign done recently. He has managed to take all of the concepts that his creative team sweated over for months and reduce it to that. Something is wrong with the whole creative process.
Also, often I would wait outside his office for up to or over an hour for him while he talked on the phone. He was blowing me off knowing that I was sitting outside waiting on a scheduled meeting. And he does this to everyone down there. Everyone, I mean everyone in the creative department can not depend on him. And believe me a lot of folks are looking to leave the agency because of him. If they were all willing to relocate there would be only a handful of people left in that department.
In my exit interview he said that if this company doesn't step up to the plate with new technologies, and fresh ideas that it would be out of business in a year. I want you to know that if he can't be depended on to keep a meeting and make a decision about a simple yes or no question he most definitely will not be able to help with any new technologies or fresh ideas.
Also, Ted Smith is not a technical person and should not be in charge of the interactive department. Ted is a great guy and is punctual and dependable, but his decision making is not going to help lead the interactive department. It will only allow it to stagnate. You guys will need to hire a programmer if you plan on going anywhere with that technology. To outsource and pay up to 100 dollars an hour for programming can not be productive.
You will need to improve your web presence. Instantly. SJ&P needs a new web site, yesterday. I know for a fact as a job seeker myslef I judge companies on their web site. If I was looking to relocate to a smaller city to work for a smaller agency, and I went to www.sjp.com, I would not consider it for a second.
The site needs to be designed by a web designer. It should be given over to one or two people. There are way to many cooks in the kitchen. That's why decisions can't be made on it. Also the web design should be done by web designers. Print design is a different world from web design. Dan does not understand this.
If you want the interactive department to prosper and to bring in new business you will need to get rid of Ted at his current position and put him in an admin. position. Then get in a young interactive designer / programmer fresh out of school, and pay him half as much as Ted. He or she will bring in cutting edge ideas and the technical background to back them up.
You can take this advice or leave it. I felt like I owed it to you, since you seemed like a really nice person and always treated me with respect. Dan does not do the same. He needs to follow your lead on that.
I really hope you guys turn things around, because if not, like Dan said in a year you won't be around, or at least will lose one of your bigger clients. I hope not for the sake of the good folks who depend on that paycheck for their mortgages and families.
Thanks for the kindness and courtesy in which you treat everyone. Please keep it up.
Sincerely,
Byron King
www.byronkingdesign.com
Post-Katrina Photography Series
I've been busying and unable to contribute much in recent days. I'm still a bit snowed under and just can't find the time to compose any real posts. However, I do have some recent photos of New Orleans and the Mississippi Gulf Coast. I plan to post them as a series. I don't think they require individual explanations, but I'd love to discuss any that merit conversation.
These photos will not be uplifting but, as we all know, reality is often unpleasant. In any case, I think the images are captivating and should serve to remind us all that after the news media has come and gone, the tragedy of disaster remains. Visiting these places nine and ten months out makes the seemingly insurmountable task of recovery all the more real. The shock has passed, but the long and laborious rebuilding has only just begun.
These photos will not be uplifting but, as we all know, reality is often unpleasant. In any case, I think the images are captivating and should serve to remind us all that after the news media has come and gone, the tragedy of disaster remains. Visiting these places nine and ten months out makes the seemingly insurmountable task of recovery all the more real. The shock has passed, but the long and laborious rebuilding has only just begun.
Wednesday, June 07, 2006
Bloody
Alive. You jive. Symbolic transgressions of a battlefield with wars lost, blood shed, and no war is ever won. How do you want to be remembered? Can you not carve your legacy out of the lard of life? Honesty, Integrity, Personal Courage.
I stand in front of monoliths and kneel. I see all of our heroes in it's black rectangular stature. John Wayne is a smiling and he wants us to kill the civilians. Kill them all. Let God sort them out. That's God with a capital G of course. The one and only.
John and Clint shoot first and then ask questions. There are bombs going off all around us. The media is pumping terrible news of death and destruction. Conservative or Liberal it is all negative. I want requiem. A place to go back to the innocence experienced while holding my breath waiting for summer to be over. Bored out of my gourd, playing kick the can till 9 p.m. I used to sit in a little corner of my yard and lie still like a sniper and wait for birds to land for just a second while I zeroed my scope of my 20 pump Daisy air rifle.
I would brag about how if I pumped it to 20 it was surely the strength of a .22 caliber rifle. I must have wasted hours shooting round after round. Learning to Kill. I joined the army after 911 in order to kill. I had bought in. Hook. Line. And sinker. I didn't go to war. I was stationed in California where I learned how to clean a toilet and buff a floor. And I now know that a police call is not calling any police, and a G.I. party is no party at all.
Several years later I sit behind another government desk, but now as a civilian. I never got to kill for this country. I never got to see death. I never got to see war. And I count my blessings. And I thank god. And I thank God. And try to be a hero. Now not for me, or for my country. But for my family.
Thank you God that I did not have to see death. Thank you God that I did not have to kill. Thank you God that my family will have me in their lives instead of some folded American flag. And please, tell John I said Hi.
I stand in front of monoliths and kneel. I see all of our heroes in it's black rectangular stature. John Wayne is a smiling and he wants us to kill the civilians. Kill them all. Let God sort them out. That's God with a capital G of course. The one and only.
John and Clint shoot first and then ask questions. There are bombs going off all around us. The media is pumping terrible news of death and destruction. Conservative or Liberal it is all negative. I want requiem. A place to go back to the innocence experienced while holding my breath waiting for summer to be over. Bored out of my gourd, playing kick the can till 9 p.m. I used to sit in a little corner of my yard and lie still like a sniper and wait for birds to land for just a second while I zeroed my scope of my 20 pump Daisy air rifle.
I would brag about how if I pumped it to 20 it was surely the strength of a .22 caliber rifle. I must have wasted hours shooting round after round. Learning to Kill. I joined the army after 911 in order to kill. I had bought in. Hook. Line. And sinker. I didn't go to war. I was stationed in California where I learned how to clean a toilet and buff a floor. And I now know that a police call is not calling any police, and a G.I. party is no party at all.
Several years later I sit behind another government desk, but now as a civilian. I never got to kill for this country. I never got to see death. I never got to see war. And I count my blessings. And I thank god. And I thank God. And try to be a hero. Now not for me, or for my country. But for my family.
Thank you God that I did not have to see death. Thank you God that I did not have to kill. Thank you God that my family will have me in their lives instead of some folded American flag. And please, tell John I said Hi.
Sunday, June 04, 2006
Withdrawal. Day 2
Cold turkey withdrawal unsuccessful. Attempt failed. Terrible mental state. Mental dehydration. Brain function at a minimal level. Television commercials hurt my head. The movement of the shapes and text, caused piercing pain that went straight through my eyes into the core of my brain. Dizziness when standing. Flashing white light on the peripheral of my vision. Will start a weening process off of the medication even though I am currently on an extremely low dosage. This experiment is over. Currently considering returning to normal dosage. I hear other medications are even harder to quit. Am very glad I am not on one of those medications. Would recommend a gradual withdrawal over any cold turkey attempt in the future.
Saturday, June 03, 2006
Withdrawal. Day 1
Lights. Little blinking lights in my vision. Lightness in the head. Brain.
Lights hurt. Sounds are fierce. Hopefully, caffiene can conquer this
withdrawal.
To take you out of the depths of your depression the medical
community willingly gets you hooked on medication. The medication
is expensive and the withdrawal just hard enough to kick to keep you
on the medication for years.
I have done this before and it's not easy for me. The last time I stopped
cold turkey, I would wake at night with the feeling of bugs
crawling all over. Hopefully the bugs are not out tonight. I would have
crying spells in odd moments, but not be upset about anything.
My friends and family like me better on medication. I don't like
myself being hooked on anything. Good night. Don't let the bed bugs bite.
Lights hurt. Sounds are fierce. Hopefully, caffiene can conquer this
withdrawal.
To take you out of the depths of your depression the medical
community willingly gets you hooked on medication. The medication
is expensive and the withdrawal just hard enough to kick to keep you
on the medication for years.
I have done this before and it's not easy for me. The last time I stopped
cold turkey, I would wake at night with the feeling of bugs
crawling all over. Hopefully the bugs are not out tonight. I would have
crying spells in odd moments, but not be upset about anything.
My friends and family like me better on medication. I don't like
myself being hooked on anything. Good night. Don't let the bed bugs bite.
Friday, June 02, 2006
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