What's In My Inbox Today?

This email was from my friend DeMatt. He plays in a Jackson, Mississippi based band called The Moils (the title of this post links to their MySpace page). Whenever they have a gig, he sends out a reminder. Whenever he sends out a reminder, he takes the time to make it entertaining:

It's July; it's hot; and you're busy. So, in an effort to lend you a
hand in getting your affairs in line, I drafted this to-do list. You'll
thank me later.

- Pick up the dry cleaning
- Finalize Tuesday's lunch appointment
- Stock up on all ointments and balms
- Shave off the mohawk
- Retrieve cufflinks from the urinal
- Straighten up the Bat Cave
- Unload remaining Lawn Dart and Delorean stock
- Throw away old suspenders
- Buy new suspenders. Remember, tension is important.
- Apologize to the minotaur
- Touch up life-size multimedia portrait of J.L. Jones
- Practice the bassoon
- Return top hat (begrudgingly)
- Toss the medicine ball
- Check on the tomato aspic. Sufficiently firm?
- Explain to co-workers that you didn't really mean that
- Envy Burts Lancaster, Parks, and Convey. But hey, we are who we are.
- Leave the wetsuit at home
- Try Marlon Fitzwater one more time. But if he doesn't call back, it just
might be over.
- Massage your liver and posterior with The MOILS Friday night at Martin's
because your hungry libido deserves it.